Holy moly I have not blogged in a long time.  Ridiculous.  Gonna get back into it with a recent life experience.

A couple of weeks ago, I accompanied my Mom to Las Vegas for a conference.  It was really cold.  And expensive.  But, we had a blast.

At the airport on the way home, I made a pit stop into the ladies room.  Out of habit, I set my phone on top of the toilet paper dispenser thing.  I don’t keep it in my pocket anymore for fear that it might suffer the same fate as my keys once did (got flushed to the point of no return).  On par with my short term memory, I do my business, flush and peace out of the stall, forgetting my phone.

I stop at the Coffee Bean to buy a drink, then slowly waltz back to where my Mom and I had set up camp.  It’s when I sit down that I realize I don’t have my phone.  Panic sets in.  (This is the second time I’ve done this in a month… thank goodness for the FInd My Friends app).  I race back to the restroom to discover that out of all 20 stalls, the one I was in is the only one currently occupied.

I decide to wait it out, thinking it shouldn’t be more than a minute or two.  At this point, the bathroom attendant, who is mentally challenged, comes by.  I decide to ask her if she’s found a phone in the last 10 minutes, but she has not.  I told her I am going to wait until the lady comes out of the stall I was in to see if it was there, because I’m pretty sure I left it in there.  She’s not quite as patient as me, and goes up to the stall and knocks, “IS THERE A PHONE IN THERE?” (I use all caps because her tone of voice was comparable to shouting).  There’s a grumble from within the stall, and the attendant and I both take that as a “no”.

I wait around another 3-4 minutes, because I want a look for myself.  The lady in the stall doesn’t leave, so I realize this is a different kind of pit stop than the quick one I made earlier.  I leave the restroom and go ask the nearest ticket counter if they’ve found a phone.  They have not.  I go back to the restroom.

By this point, the attendant has become grossly annoyed that the lady has not left the stall yet.  I’m a little more patient (we had like 3 hours to kill before our flight).  She starts talking to the lady in the stall, “HELLO, WHAT’S TAKING SO LONG IN THERE?  ARE YOU GOING POO POO?”.  I’m not even kidding when I say that’s what she said.  Then, in hopes that the lady might need a little motivation, the attendant starts giving her a countdown.  “COME ON!  3, 2, 1 FLUSH!”.  There’s no response and I am starting to have a stroke from witnessing this much awkwardness.  Obviously the lady is going number two, but how embarrassing to have someone cheering you on from outside the stall.  I don’t know about anyone else, but my system doesn’t do well under pressure.

After a another 5 minutes, the lady emerges.  Headphones in, my iPhone in hand.  I’m immediately relieved to see my phone and the fact that she had headphones in during that whole ordeal.

But then it sets in that my phone spent the last 10-15 minutes in that stall with that lady doing that kind of business.  I gave it a good wipe down, but I’m afraid things will never be the same.