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Karma normally comes in the form of a kick in the pants.  So, it came as a surprise this morning when it darn near burnt my hand off.

It’s not really a secret that I turn into a bit of a cheapskate at the Lake Austin Spa.  I sorta go Ross Geller and try to take with me all the freebies possible to make sure I’m getting my money’s worth.  This year I managed to swipe a coffee mug and about 30 teabags. 

Now, I have a certain coffee routine Monday through Wednesday and then Thursday and Friday.   M/T/W I brew coffee at home and bring it to work.  When I get to the office, I pour it into a coffee mug so it has a little more of a “homey” feel.  Th/F are of course designated Starbucks days. 

So, this morning, I go to the kitchen at work to reheat my home brew.  Which is in my Lake Austin Spa mug.  Side note: I rotate mugs weekly.  I heat it up for 40-45 seconds and I go to grab the mug like normal, but HOLY HECK it’s HOT!  Like, probably the hottest thing I’ve ever touched before.  Luckily, the other girl in the kitchen at the time didn’t see me do my Pee Wee Herman tip toe dance as I went from the microwave to the counter on the other side of the kitchen trying not to go full throttle into a Stop, Drop and Roll, nor dropping my precious free mug.  Of course, I ended up with a welt the size of a half dollar on my palm, as well as about half of my coffee on the floor.  TEQUILA!

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Clearly, something about that mug is not receptable to the microwave!  And I think that something is karma.

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This week I’ve been knee high in apartment hunting, but I’ve had a few blog worthy things to mention, so here it goes.

As most of you know, I really enjoy the nitrous I get from the dentist’s office.  However, after visiting my girl doctor this week, I’ve realized that’s the place you really need laughing gas.  There’s nothing too comforting or relaxing about that place, even the soft rock and hand croqueted stir-up coverings don’t do the trick.  It’s probably the most uncomfortable 15 minutes of my year, when I’m sitting on the table, half dressed in a gown that barely ties in the front, under a piece of paper, waiting my most awkward doctor’s knock on the door.  And when the knock comes, there’s uncomfortable conversation while the doctor does his thing.  Last year, we discussed people he knew that went to Austin High, this year we discussed the free Blue Bell samples I could get when I go to Brenham for Caroline’s wedding.  Even being a month into my no-sweets-Lent, this discussion didn’t even cause me to have a craving for Cookies ‘n Cream.

Next stop, my iPhone.  As if I didn’t enjoy talking on the phone before, I really do not enjoy it now.  For some reason, the only way I can hear people/talk to them is by having my phone on speaker.  Which I hate being on speakerphone anyways.  I’ve made an appointment with the Apple store to get it looked at on Friday.  So… until then, text or email is my preferred method of communication.  If I don’t answer, it’s not because I don’t want to talk to you (most likely), it’s because I don’t want the world listening to our conversation.

Last thought, and it’s a random one.  Do you ever have a phrase that you say to yourself all the time?  Like when you get really excited or really annoyed about something?  It’s sorta like the concept of having one default song you get stuck in your head when you don’t have another one stuck in your head?  Mine always used to be the William Tell Overture (classy, right?), but now I don’t really have one.  However, I do have a phrase.  And it’s an interesting one at that.

Blow me where the Pamper’s is.

You may be wondering why I say this and where does it come from?  It’s a line in the movie “PCU”.  The character is walking around campus stoned as a rock and an elderly lady comes up to him and he thinks she is saying this, when she’s really not…

Old Woman: Excuse me, but can you blow me where the pampers is?
Gutter: What?
Old Woman: Can you blow me where the pampers is?
Gutter: What?
Old Woman: Can you *show* me where the *campus* is?

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It’s sad, but true… this is my default phrase when I’m annoyed.

March Madness is definitely my favorite event in the world of sports.  I’m sure many people would like to say that the Super Bowl is a much bigger deal.  But to me, the Super Bowl is for commercials and guacamole.  Much like Wimbledon is good company for a sandwich and chips on a summer day.  And how Nascar is good for… well… a redneck sunburn?

Basketball is the best sport to watch, in my humble opinion, because it’s fast paced.  And unless it’s the Spurs, I’d prefer to be watching college hoops.  I grew up on them, and as hard for me as it is to watch them and not play, I still enjoy the Madness. 

When I think about it, it’s really the only gambling I partake in during the year, aside from a Wheel of Fortune slot machine, of course.  I love keeping track of my picks and I love that it’s a legitimate excuse to not work.  Why?  Because the office has a pool and everyone is checking in on the scores constantly.  I’m not saying I’m waisting a lot more time on the Internet this week, I’m just saying my surf time is more comparable to everyone else’s since everyone is catching about as many waves as I am.  Usually, I’m catching a ton more than the bell curve.

I don’t really pay close attention to the season, except for watching the occassional Texas game (ahem… victory over Oklahoma).  So, when it comes time to make my picks, I chose winners based on a feeling I have.  For example, I had a feeling Michigan would upset Clemson, so I picked the Wolverines.  Of course, I also had a feeling Tennessee would upset OSU, and we see how well that turned out for me.  It’s ok, because it doesn’t really matter until you get to the finals.

And here’s the deal, Pickle.  If UConn wins, I’m in the money.  If they don’t, there’s always next year.

Brace yourselves.  Something totally cool happened at work today. 

We are in the process of reviewing capital statements (aka each investor’s quarterly statement of how their investment in our funds is doing), and lo and behold, guess who just transferred into one of our funds?  Here are two hints:

                        sjp1  mraz1

Clearly, it doesn’t take a holiday for me to wear my favorite color. I love green and all it’s glory. And I also love that I am part Irish. I think it means that I am a funny person, I know how to have a good time and I believe in luck…

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Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

This weekend was Suz’s bachelorette party weekend at Flat Top Ranch.  And what a fun weekend it was.  I’m gonna do my best to recount all the laughs, slaps and drinks that were heard/felt/consumed.

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A few of us arrived Friday night in order to help set up shop and get settled in.  And by set up shop I mean make a few batches of jello shots. 

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We dined on specially shaped pasta noodles and decorated specially shaped baby cakes.  I won’t go into the details about my cake decorating theme, but I’d venture to say it was graphic.  And creative.  Much like the t-shirt Mary and I created for Suz a few weekends back.  Made with love, by Nana…

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As the night went on, the drinks I was mixing got progressively stronger, which led to top hat dancing, 1am yoga sessions, and a few Hulk Hogan body slams.  Apparently vodka is like caffiene to me.  Then, around 2 am, as I felt a hangover creeping in, we decided it was time to go to sleep.

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After a Saturday morning breakfast of Mary’s refrigerator eggs, jello shots and cigarette ash, I led us in a P90X inspired workout.  We did a little “pyrometrics”, kickboxing, core work, and yoga.  All the while sweatin’ to the 80’s, Richard Simmon’s style. 

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After the workout, we dined on some of my lentil chili, and then I took a sweet, sweet nap before the rest of the guests arrived.  It’s so quiet at the ranch that I felt like I was in Scotland again… so peaceful.  And warm.  Oh was my bed warm.

Once the rest of the crew arrived, we had happy hour and had a lingerie party for Suz.  I’d like to list some of the names picked out for the items, but I do want to keep this semi G-rated.  “Lickity Lickity Hoo Hoo” and “Daddy’s Little Girl” shall suffice. 

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After the gifts, we loaded up the wine, beer and jello shots and ventured into town to have some BBQ.  After dinner, the plan was to go to the Boot Scootin’ for a few drinks and some debauchery.  Unfortunately, we got denied because one of our crew members didn’t have her ID.  Which is retawded because she wasn’t planning on drinking anyway.  So, we revolted and walked out.  Cue Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, “Big Mistake, HUGE”.

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Back home at the ranch, we played a loooooooooong game of Balderdash.  But, beforehand, Robyn and I dressed up in some sweet camo jumpsuits and did a little strip-tease (sans the stripping) Coral-style-cow-roping dance show for Suz.  I think the best part was trying to squeeze Robyn into a little boy’s camo suit. 

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Sunday morning we rose and had some pancakes and steel cut oats.  I’m pretty sure I changed a few lives with my slow cooked delights.  Let’s also not forget that we finished off the jello shots.  I don’t think I can count how many I consumed all weekend.  I love the lime ones!

After getting back to Dallas, I rounded off the wonderful weekend with a little jaunt up the Katy Trail.  And then fixed some Indian Stew for me and Pee Wee and called it a night.  I’m really addicted to my crock pot these days.

For more pictures, look over here.

I’m probably the one person in a million who actually enjoys the dentist’s office.  And it’s not because I enjoy getting poked, prodded, scraped, flossed and waxed (or whatever you call the little gizmo that applies the strawberry flavored jazz).  It’s because, as I’ve said before, my dental hygenist gives me laughing gas.  After about 2 minutes of being hooked up with the stuff, I’m feeling really good.  So good, in fact, that my pulse registered 45(!) when she took my blood pressure. 

Before this dentist, I’d never had nitrous before.  I remember Sarah telling me about having it back in high school when she got her wisdom teeth taken out.  She got to listen to music while it was going on and I believe she had some crazy hallucinations to Big Head Todd.  I haven’t had any experiences quite this extreme, but I can say that the gas makes you feel like you’re two or three vodka’s down… on an empty stomach.

Life is really good at that point.  I’m pretty much inspired by anything and everything the dental hygenist and I talk about.  She asked me if I had watched The Bachelor finale, of course I didn’t, but did I want to hear what she thought about it?  Sure.

Another sweet thing about the dentist’s office, is that they always (in every one I’ve ever been in) play soft rock.  Majic 95.5, The Quiet Storm, Delilah, Steven Michael Kerr.  Elton John, The Carpenters, Bread… it only adds to the relaxing experience.  And being on nitrous only enhances my love for soft rock.

With all this being said, it’s no wonder I always opt for the last appointment of the day.  I like to be able to roll out of there and roll home, cause I’m definitely in no state to go back to work.

Kelley never fails to remind me of this day and I think it’s really unfortunate that the day can’t be a holiday. I’d happily have stayed home and had a couple beers in honor of Texas and it’s amazingness.

The weekend was pretty sweet, but went by too quickly. Saturday was a kitchen shower in FW for Courtney where I proceeded to win the “Guess Which Spice This Is” game. Of course, in the process of sniffing each spice, I definitely snorted a few lines of paprika and curry powder. Unfortunately, I didn’t feel anything but a burning sensation in my nostrils. After that game we played a game where you are given the last name of a married couple on TV and you have to write down the husband and wife’s first names. Mary, of course, nailed the Huxtable’s, but when it came down to the Bundy’s (from Married With Children), my special twin put down Ted for the husband’s first name. Last time I checked, serial killers don’t star in sitcoms.

After the shower, we headed to dumb Jo Anne’s to buy some supplies for the upcoming Ranch Weekend. Our creativity flourished and we decided to have craft night. After sushi, that is. Which we ate at Edohana… the best priced, best tasting sushi in the metroplex. We also stopped at Central Market to buy a BUTTLOAD of antioxidants. The crafting went well and I’m delighted to see Suz’s face when receives her gifts. Muahahaha.

I’ll leave you with some inspiration for today…

Texas is a state of mind. Texas is an obsession. Above all, Texas is a nation in every sense of the word.
– John Steinbeck

You may all go to hell and I will go to Texas.
–Davy Crockett

“You say you’re not from Texas
Man as if I couldn’t tell
You think you pull your boots on right
And wear your hat so well

So pardon me my laughter
‘Cause I sure do understand
Even Moses got excited
When he saw the promised land

And they’ll say that’s right you’re not from Texas
That’s right you’re not from Texas
That’s right you’re not from Texas
But Texas wants you anyway”
-Lyle Lovett

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