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I joined LA Fitness a year ago in attempt to have a gym that was close to the office. I figured it would be good for when I wanted to workout after work. Because I was already (and still am) a member of Bally’s, which I use for working out in the morning. A year has gone by and I maybe make it to LA once a month. Thinking that I might want to go ahead and cancel my membership, I realized I still had a free Personal Trainer session I got when I signed up.

So, I went in on Wednesday for my free workout, with no intentions of buying additional sessions and with the understanding that I would quit the gym probably next month. After the workout they wanted to talk to me about package options etc etc. Fine, I knew they were gonna try to sell me on the deal, but I was going to be firm and say “no thanks, I am not ready to sign up today”. These people do NOT give up. I was there for an hour after the session negotiating the price. After I got it down to half the original price, I still was ready to walk out commitment free. But, they kept going. And going. Finally, my trainer had to rope in his boss for the final kill. I really don’t think these people would have let me walk out of there without tackling me first.

All I really wanted was a good workout. Which is great, because now I’ve got 48 of them coming right up!! Obviously I caved. They finally wore Miss Practical down. I spent the better part of yesterday stewing about it. If you can’t tell, I’m still slightly bitter. Its a good thing I will be in Cabo next week because I need to get away and over this. These people took me to the bank and back. But, they do promise that I will lose 10% body fat just by training with them. Yeah right, I don’t think I lost any body fat running a MARATHON, so good luck to you guys.

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I realized recently that I’ve become a Serial Returner (SR) meaning that I will go on shopping sprees only to end up returning the majority of what I buy. Its almost like an eating disorder… but for shopping. I am a bulimic when it comes to shopping.

For instance, last Friday at work the power went out at about 11am. We waited around for 15 or so minutes before being told that this would be a good day to take a two hour lunch. Bummer. So, what did I do? I went to Target. I spent my two hours of freedom at Target. I also spent about 200 bucks. Did I need to do this? No. Once I got home Friday I tried on all my purchases again and realized that either the crappy Target dressing room mirrors were very flattering or that I was smoking crack when I tried the stuff on. I put most of my purchases back in the bag, with receipt, and set it by the front door to get it ready for its return. On Saturday, I hit up the Gap and Old Navy and did the same thing. This morning as I was about to walk out my apartment door, I had three bags of stuff to return. I really don’t know what my deal is. I guess I’ve realized that if I am not sure on something, I buy it anyways. I can always return it later. I am getting too comfortable with this…surely these stores will catch on to my madness and start rejecting my card when I am checking out?

I think the root or starting point of when I became an SR began one day in middle school when I went shopping with Dan and my Mom wasn’t with us. Dan’s motto is “if you think you’ll wear it, buy it, regardless of the price”. Mom is more of a bargain shopper. I can’t tell you how many hours I spent playing underneath the clothing racks at Ross and Steinmart as a child. It was entertaining for a while, but by the 3rd or 4th hour I was probably ready to go. I quickly learned that shopping with Dan was a whole new kind of fun. The day we went to the mall was around the time when Abercrombie & Fitch was becoming popular and they used to sell bazillions of wool sweaters. I wanted them all. I picked out about 5 on this shopping trip. Yes, I realized that these were WOOL sweaters and that I lived in TEXAS. But, I had to have them, FIVE of them. Once we got back to the house and Mom asked what all we had gotten, I showed her my beloved A&F sweaters and she probably hadn’t finished looking at second one before telling me I had to take them back. I could chose one, but the rest were being returned. I didn’t need that many wool sweaters. In hindsight she was right, but still it was a major buzz kill. Dan and I were never allowed to go shopping again just the two of us.

And now I’m off to return all the unnecessary crap I bought this weekend.

I think Rocky (my four-legged, 9lb little burrito) could easily serve as the poster child for Fiber One. I mean the dog is Mr. Regularity himself. Our going out schedule is as follows:

6:15am – pre workout potty break
8:15am – pre work potty break
6ish – post work potty break
9pm – pre bedtime potty break

Obviously he goes numero uno everytime. But, when it comes to numero dos, his batting average is upwards of .750. Yesterday he batted 1000, which necessitated a blogging. Much like having “a” gun necessitates a gun rack. Anyways, I think the best part about this (aside from him being able to hold it and so yours truly doesn’t have to clean anything up) is getting to watch him go at least 3 times a day. He looks macho when he goes #1 with his right leg lifted in the air, but #2 is an all-out, full-body struggle to get the job done. His back arches and he’s pushing so hard that he is almost balancing on his front two legs. Maybe its his way of sneaking in a little yoga to his daily routine. Oh, and lets not forget his cute little floppy ears that always seem to be on antenna duty during this, constantly scanning sideways and front listening for anything approaching him during this delicate moment.

Its 2:50 in the afternoon (probably the toughest part of the day for me) and I am at work reviewing cap statements online (about 10 times more boring than it sounds…maybe 100). Mom calls:
Me: “Hello”
Mom: “Hi! Guess what happened on this day back in 1984?”
Me: “Ummmmmm…let me think.”
Mom: “I’m on my way to Marshall’s and they just mentioned it on the radio.”
Me: “Can I get a hint? Is it related to music in some way?”
Mom: “Yes”
Me: “Well, I knew the answer to that already, so I deserve a second hint.”
Mom: “Its someone near and dear to you”
Me: (thinking its ’84 so Elvis is dead, let’s go with No. 2) “Bruce…the day that Born in the USA was released”
Mom: “Yep! You were 3 years old”
I think I’ll give that album a spin in honor of its 24th anniversary. Bless Austin radio stations for being aware of such important dates in my life. Kelley mentioned that he might be playing Denver towards the end of the summer. If he does, we are going. I’ll just need to work on getting the nasty arm-pit stains out of the vintage Courtney Cox Born in the USA tour tshirt that I bought on ebay last summer before then. Maybe it will increase my odds of getting pulled up on stage. I mean, I have the dance moves down from the music video so its not like I wouldn’t know what I was doing.

So, the demise of my haiku “kaiyaku” blog came about a year ago when I just got lazy.  I made an attempt at a comeback a couple months ago, but it wasn’t long until the dust started settling again, much like it does on the top of my ceiling fan blades.  Gross, I know.  Too bad maria doesn’t clean that.  Anyways, it was a good run but its time to start a new blog.  Its nice to have some freedom when it comes to writing on here.  Hence no 5-7-5 pattern.  Sorry to disappoint poetry fans.  Oh and yeah I was never good at English.  Just to warn you.  But I do seem to have a good way of observing the everyday happenings in my life and transforming them into a good story, laugh or snort.